Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One from Illinois, one from Tennessee and a third from Virginia. They all go with a White House official to the fence.
The Virginia contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. “Well”, he says, “I figure it will run about $900- $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”
The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do this job for $700- $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me”.
The Illinois contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, “$2,700.”
The official, incredulous, whispers back, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?”
The Illinois contractor whispers back, “$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire that guy from Tennessee to fix the fence.”
“Done!” replies the government official.
NOW YOU KNOW HOW WE GOT INTO THIS MESS WITH OUR ECONOMY!!!
You can bet that in a year when an Ohio plumber became more famous than the Dalai Lama, a hockey mom from Alaska came within a heartbeat of the White House, gas hit $4 a gallon, and rich automakers begged Congress for $25 billion, Dave Barry might have a few words to say.
Ethan and Gabe Clement - Viking Football Fall 2008
As I wrap up the Pop Warner football season with my boys (last game… Saturday night… under the lights) I had to laugh at this video. After all the madness that we’ve had to endure on Sundays ( something about grown men who still wish they were boys, 7-9 year olds, and a leather football that brings out a level of insanity thats not normal… yet a whole lotta fun! ), I was left to wonder… is this the same guy that has been calling our games!?!?
It’s hard for me to watch Paris Hilton be the one to say this… but is it so hard to believe that maybe both sides have some decent ideas? Is it that far fetched to think we can work together to solve some of these problems? I still say we vote on a President without a running mate and the loser gets the VP gig. That’s just my opinion, I may be wrong, plus there’s not any rich people or various lucrative businesses knocking on my door to give me piles of cash either…
ZING! launch your lunch Everyone knows you shouldn’t play with your food. But hey – sometimes you have to defend your dinner! Now there’s a new weapon in your homeland security arsenal – load up a particularly mushy pea or corn niblet, aim, pull back the spring-loaded handle, and watch your food take flight. ZING! It’s WAY more fun than a war of words.
A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. Their insight may surprise you.
Better to be safe than………………..Punch a 5th grader
Strike while the …………………….Bug is close
It’s always darkest before…………… Daylight Savings Time
Never underestimate the power of……….Termites
You can lead a horse to water but……..how?
Don’t bite the hand that…………….. looks dirty
No news is…………………………..impossible
A miss is as good as a……………….Mr.
You can’t teach an old dog new…………math
If you lie down with dogs, you’ll………stink in the morning
Love all, trust……………………..me
The pen is mightier than the…………..pigs
An idle mind is……………………..The best way to relax
Where there’s smoke there’s……………pollution
Happy the bride who…………………..gets all the presents
A penny saved is……………………..not much
Two’s company, three’s………………..the Musketeers
Don’t put off till tomorrow what……….you put on to go to bed
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and…….you have to blow your nose.
None are so blind as………………….Stevie Wonder
Children should be seen and not………..spanked or grounded
If at first you don’t succeed………….get new batteries
You get out of something what you………see pictured on the box
When the blind leadeth the blind……….get out of the way
