I’ve been missing the Colbert Report lately but I saw this on Engadget… funny stuff.

“I knew I should have gotten a Zune! They can’t kill me… or do anything else.”

It’s hard for me to watch Paris Hilton be the one to say this… but is it so hard to believe that maybe both sides have some decent ideas? Is it that far fetched to think we can work together to solve some of these problems? I still say we vote on a President without a running mate and the loser gets the VP gig. That’s just my opinion, I may be wrong, plus there’s not any rich people or various lucrative businesses knocking on my door to give me piles of cash either…

Fred Zing! Catapult Spoon

ZING! launch your lunch Everyone knows you shouldn’t play with your food. But hey - sometimes you have to defend your dinner! Now there’s a new weapon in your homeland security arsenal - load up a particularly mushy pea or corn niblet, aim, pull back the spring-loaded handle, and watch your food take flight. ZING! It’s WAY more fun than a war of words.

A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. Their insight may surprise you.

Better to be safe than………………..Punch a 5th grader
Strike while the …………………….Bug is close
It’s always darkest before…………… Daylight Savings Time
Never underestimate the power of……….Termites
You can lead a horse to water but……..how?
Don’t bite the hand that…………….. looks dirty
No news is…………………………..impossible
A miss is as good as a……………….Mr.
You can’t teach an old dog new…………math
If you lie down with dogs, you’ll………stink in the morning
Love all, trust……………………..me
The pen is mightier than the…………..pigs
An idle mind is……………………..The best way to relax
Where there’s smoke there’s……………pollution
Happy the bride who…………………..gets all the presents
A penny saved is……………………..not much
Two’s company, three’s………………..the Musketeers
Don’t put off till tomorrow what……….you put on to go to bed
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and…….you have to blow your nose.
None are so blind as………………….Stevie Wonder
Children should be seen and not………..spanked or grounded
If at first you don’t succeed………….get new batteries
You get out of something what you………see pictured on the box
When the blind leadeth the blind……….get out of the way

And the favorite:

Better late than…………………….pregnant.

*sigh*

First Ethan falls in love with soccer… and now Gabe brings home this from Kindergarten…

Presidential candidates Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, and John Mc Cain were flying to a debate.

Barack looked at Hillary, Chuckled and said, “You know I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy.”

Hillary shrugged her shoulders and replied, “I could throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy.”

John added, “That being the case, I could throw one hundred $10 bills out of the window and make a hundred people very happy.”

Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his copilot, “Such big-shots back there. I could throw all three of them out of the window and make 156 million people very happy.”

Just bought the Josh Wilson CD on iTunes. So far I love it. He has the same kind of pop-rock sound as Dave Barnes, and the same great songwriting, plus great musicianship too. Josh plays every instrument on the songs “3 Minute Song” and “Savior Please” except for drums. He fiddles with acoustic, baritone and electric guitars as well as banjo, mandolin, piano, and keys (which provide the orchestral sounds present on the album). While guitar and piano are his primary instruments, Josh also enjoys the banjitar, which is a banjo with guitar styling, “It’s a neat instrument and it’s kind of a cheat on the banjo.” Sweet!

I’ve been enjoying “3 Minute Song” which compares singing about God’s greatness to “Trying To Fit The Ocean In A Cup” and the rest of the CD doesn’t disappoint. Now I’m trying to restrain from tracking down his two independent projects—a full-length album, Dragonfly (2004), and an EP, Shake the Shadow (2006).

I tried to write a song 
And keep it 3 minutes long 
Get in, get out, nobody gets hurt 
And I tried a thousand times 
To fit God between the lines 
But I’m finding out that doesn’t really work

I just don’t have the words to say 
Cause words only get in my way

I must apologize, I have the hardest time 
Finding something to define a God that I can’t define 
And even if I could, it would take way too long 
If all I’ve got is a 3 minute song

I’ve got a hundred metaphors 
And if I had a million more 
I could never ever seem to sum this up 
Besides, how can some melody 
Communicate eternity 
It’s like trying to fit the ocean in a cup

I’ll never find the words to say 
Cause words only get in my way

I would like to dumb this down to 3 chords or maybe 4 
But I’ve tried and I can’t and I won’t cause there will always be more

So I apologize 
I can’t seem to get it right

I also like the humorous tune “Dear Money,” which talks about a love/hate relationship with cash.

Check out this video of him playing “Amazing Grace”

I’d be in big trouble when October rolls around… (found via Kottke)

Here’s a great blog highlighting embarrassing Photoshop or design work. Check it out.

via Kottke

but not this bad…

Authorities Say Man Asked Friend to Shoot Him in the Arm So He Could Skip Work